Deepest Thoughts

Sunday, August 22, 2004:

hah...what a surprise. somebody actually stumbled onto this site...haha thanks nat for the comment. people used to read it, and it was fine, but if alot of people still read it, it'd prolly be a lil weird and would compel me to stop. which is why i never post my personal thoughts in xanga. i just don't want people to know how i really feel by reading some words online...i guess i learned along the way that somethings should be kept private unless i personally confide in them. but...why am i posting this for the whole wide world to see...that is something i can't explain.

something that has really affected me recently is just feeling good about myself at the end of the day. so frequently I just go to sleep feeling like such a failure. having hurt god or other people or just myself. I can't take back a lot of actions and sometimes I wish i could. I really do not make the best decisions when its just myself. when i dont take into consideration the people and things that matter, and seeing if what i do really glorifies god. And it causes me to just feel so incomplete and so far away from god when I do make so many mistakes and sin so much. I know its not right, but i guess i just need to be able to cope with it in a healthy way, that i can get through it without ignoring the problem and letting it haunt me again. I want to be able to go to sleep content with life and making peace with certain regrettable behavior. because i will always fail, but if i let it keep me down, i'll never see the light.

omg i just have to pull all nighters the next couple of days to finish this crap and then rest up before school. cuz. i. am. screwed.

Henry // 12:15 AM

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